He Wants Me For My Looks
There seems to be a lot of outcall escorts who want to turn into a celebrity and end up marrying one. These famous men often marry stable, successful women with good careers, only to leave them for someone else with less education and more looks. We now live in an era where looks are everything and it is hard out here for these ladies trying to make it as females with brains.
When I was growing up and watching television, we never saw a woman with a higher income than her husband. We had mothers who stayed home and fathers who worked, and we always saw working moms as the biggest heroes. In those days it was all about working hard for what you wanted.
In the television shows of my childhood, women were always portrayed as being dumb, men as being smart. The women were shown as not being able to do anything but make babies and bring them up, while the men were portrayed as being very intelligent. Those womanizers on TV would be dumb, yet end up marrying highly educated highly successful women because they could not resist a beautiful woman.
In my time, many men have been known to go from being poor and driving a car while his wife was driving a Mercedes, to being a billionaire while his wife drives a Prius. I have seen some documentaries on Alpha Mgt and the track records of wealthy self-made men, and there are some common traits. For one, they were driven by ambition, driven by what they wanted from life. They all had high levels of intelligence and motivation.
In the past ten years I have been in the dating scene myself, seeing people change from how they were when they were younger. I have seen men who date women for their looks, then later marry someone more stable with a great career. Then I see them leave this better woman for someone with less education and more looks.
I never thought that I would become one of those women, but it is something I do think about now. It used to be that the rich were not attractive; nowadays the wealthy are considered to be attractive. Personally, I think all of these changes came about due to social media. Things like Instagram and Facebook make it seem like if you are not good looking, people will have no interest in you at all. The truth is, there are always going to be exceptions.
I have seen people claim that they married for love and then it just snowballs into something else. The guy falls in love with someone who his own family do not even like and the woman who he marries has no idea why he would rather be with her instead of someone else. She also does not know what happened to make him change from loving her to disrespecting her.
He changed from being a poor engineer to a wealthy businessman, going from living in a small apartment to having a beautiful mansion with a swimming pool and a tennis court.. All in a year or two. The poor husband becomes a billionaire and overnight he is no longer the same man. He is not the same man that you fell in love with and who said he would love you forever.
I say all of this because I think people need to be reminded that there has to be more than looks in a relationship; there has to be substance and love, or else it will only end in sadness and heartache. If someone tells you they love you, they should mean it until the end of time. But nowadays, people take what they can get when they can get it, then leave when something better comes along..
There are still good men out there.
How Stress Can Cause a Low Libido
From worrying about cash to due dates at work, everyday stress can result in low sex drive. Handling a lot of concerns can affect your sex life, worsening your tension by possibly causing relationship problems.
How Tension Impacts Libido
When you react to tension, your body goes through a series of modifications in order to prepare you to escape or stay and battle. This is called your battle or flight reaction. When you experience fight or flight action, you’ll experience a boost in heart rate, high blood pressure, and breathing rate while non-essential functions, like sex drive, are acutely reduced.
Physiological Effects.
This response also triggers the release of hormones, such as cortisol and epinephrine, which in high levels can cause reduced libido. When stress is chronic, the body utilizes sex hormonal agents to satisfy the increased needs for greater cortisol production, decreasing your interest in sex.
Mental Results.
In addition to the physiological effects of tension, there is also a psychological element. Stress can cause you to have a busy, frazzled mind, and distract you from wanting sex or existing throughout sex. It can also affect your mood, leading to anxiety and anxiety, which can decrease libido in their own.
Way of life Choices.
Unchecked stress can lead to unhealthy habits such as cigarette smoking, overeating, and drinking and bad way of life options like lack of self-care and workout. These shifts can influence how you feel about yourself and interfere with a healthy sex life.
If your tension action isn’t reversed, it can contribute to a condition referred to as persistent tension, impacting your physical health in numerous ways, including triggering low libido.
Coping.
Minimizing stress and maintaining an excellent sex life with your partner is possible, particularly if you both put in effort and time. Here are a few techniques to think about.
Practice Stress Management.
One of the very first solutions you should consider is overall stress management if you believe that life stress is putting a damper on your sex drive. If you reverse your stress response utilizing efficient relaxation strategies, you will not experience as many hormonal disturbances from chronic tension.
Attempt some known strategies for dealing with worry or anxiety in other locations of your life so that they will not have an effect on your libido. A couple of stress management strategies to consider consist of:.
Aromatherapy.
Breathing exercise.
Assisted imagery.
Journaling.
Meditation.
Progressive muscle relaxation.
Talking with a therapist concentrating on tension management can likewise assist you find coping strategies for your specific situation.
Examine Your Relationship.
When dealing with low sex drive, it’s also important to take a look at the health of your relationship. Studies reveal that relationship stress and disputes within the relationship can be a stronger consider low sex drive than other types of tension. This is true for both ladies and males.
Due to the fact that men and women both state that their partner’s satisfaction impacts their own sex drive, a lack of interest from one partner can cause a lack of interest for both partners.
Working through relationship difficulties is important for lots of reasons, and your sex drive is a big one. The first step should be to make certain you’re using interaction techniques that are encouraging and reasonable of your relationship. Attempt to see issues as challenges you face together instead of seeing one another as “the enemy.” Try to find methods that support the requirements of both partners.
If you have difficulty doing this by yourself, a therapist or marital relationship therapist can assist you establish more effective relationship skills and resolve some much deeper problems.
Exercise Together.
Exercising is a fantastic way to keep stress at bay and boost your self-esteem which, in turn, can improve your libido. If you seem like you don’t get enough alone time with your partner, think about working out as a couple.
A fast jog or night stroll together might help you to feel more linked while you get those endorphins going. If your partner is willing to attempt yoga, practicing together may assist bring brand-new energy to the bed room. Search for a book or video specifically dedicated to partner yoga or search your local area for classes you can attempt together.
Practice Self-Care.
It’s tough to feel great about making love if you do not feel excellent about yourself. Practicing self-care means eating a healthy diet, working out, getting good sleep, practicing stress management techniques, pampering yourself, delighting in time for self-reflection.
Additionally, goal to ditch hazardous routines like smoking and excess drinking (which put your health at risk and dampen libido). By requiring time for a little self-care, you’re requiring time to construct confidence and feel sexy, energetic, and more than worthwhile of your partner’s affections.
Make Time for Each Other.
A lot of us discover ourselves busier than we ever thought possible. Being continuously hectic methods having little downtime, which can drain your energy and make sex uninviting.
A hectic schedule can likewise mean a busy mind– and having a lot on your mind can make it difficult to relax and “get in the mood.” Loaded schedules can even present problems in discovering the time for sex or make it feel like just one more chore on your mile-long “order of business.”.
You might consider making a plan for intimacy or sexual experimentation if a hectic way of life is behind your stress and low sex drive.
While scheduling sex may not look like the most romantic concept, you can get imaginative and make it interesting.
Start flirting first thing in the morning (consider it part of your foreplay) and do your best to pick up the phone midday to let your partner understand that you are eagerly anticipating your “sex date” with a fast text or phone call. Including a little music or aromatherapy can likewise help set the tone for relaxation and love.
Focus on Sensation Not Sex.
The power of touch is a pretty powerful tension reliever and does not need to consist of sex. Hold hands, make time to snuggle more (when you hug someone, the stress-busting hormonal agent oxytocin is released), or check out each other through partner massage.
Touching each other is a great way to reveal love to your partner without any added pressure from the expectation of sex.
Concentrating on touch, rather than sex, can help you relax and discover satisfaction and intimacy, which can increase your desire for nearness and, eventually, sex.
How to Talk with Your Partner.
Tension and low libido can impact your relationship, so it is essential to discuss it. When speaking to your partner about low libido, take extra care to avoid directing blame at yourself or your partner.
The best technique is one that neither designates low sex drive as their problem or your problem but rather a problem you both will get rid of together. This will require open and honest interaction about the possible causes of your tension along with the physical and emotional symptoms of low libido.
Consider these tips for starting a healthy discussion:.
Let your partner understand that you want to talk about your sex life and set a time and neutral location (i.e., not your bed room) that’s comfortable for both of you.
Do not raise the subject after sex or when either of you is rushed or distracted.
Consider doing some meditation or breathing exercises prior to your talk so you remain in a calm mindset. When you’re stressed, it’s easy to get protective.
Be honest and open. Share your expectations, desires, worries, and issues.
Give your partner a chance to tell their side and use active listening skills like repeating back what your partner said. Do your finest to confirm your partner’s feelings with words of understanding.
Ensure your discussion is stabilized by asking open-ended questions along the way. For instance: “What do you think about all this?”.
When to stop talking, Know. If your discussion ends up being too heated, it’s likely time to cover it up. This might be an indication that you require an arbitrator such as a therapist or sex therapist to help you overcome this.
When to Consider Treatment.
Interaction is an essential part of a healthy sex life, so if you and your partner are having a hard time speaking about concerns with tension and low sex drive, treatment might be a great choice. Specific therapy might likewise be a good option if any negative thought patterns are contributing to your stress.
Types of treatment for low sex drive might include:.
Specific Treatment.
Private cognitive therapy or cognitive behavior modification: Cognitive therapy for tension is based on the concept that it’s not simply the occasions in our lives that cause us tension, however the method we consider those occasions. You’ll work one-on-one with a therapist to explore what’s behind your tension and to specify and meet your goals for better handling tension so it doesn’t disrupt your sex life.
Couples Therapy.
In marriage therapy or couples treatment, you and your partner will deal with a therapist in joint sessions. The primary objectives of joint therapy are to promote open communication, recognize and deal with disputes, reinforce your relationship, and get a better understanding of each other.
Sex Therapy.
Sex treatment is a customized kind of talk treatment that focuses on sexual issues. Through sex treatment, which is provided in both joint and specific partner sessions, you can discover to express your issues plainly and much better understand your and your partner’s sexual needs.
Factors to consider.
When thinking about therapy as a choice, try to find a therapist you’re comfortable with who specializes in the type of therapy you’re looking for. A cognitive therapist might encourage you to start journaling to tape the feelings you’re feeling before, during, or after sex or to track the times when you’re most stressed along with what does (and does not) work to assist you unwind.
A sex therapist may give you “homework” to do as a couple such as role-playing or communication exercises.
Other Causes.
If you’re still experiencing low libido after attempting some lifestyle modification and working with a therapist to much better handle stress, you might think about talking to a health care professional about the possible medical reason for your loss of sexual interest.
There are numerous underlying medical problems that can take the sizzle out of your sex life, including:.
Chronic fatigue syndrome.
Chronic discomfort.
Depression.
Diabetes.
Impotence.
Fibromyalgia.
Hormonal agent imbalances.
Peri-menopause and menopause.
Rheumatoid arthritis.
Sleep conditions.
Thyroid disease.
Vaginal dryness.
Vaginismus.
If low sex drive and lack of interest in sex are triggering considerable distress and affecting your relationship or self-confidence, and it’s not due to other or medical psychiatric causes, you might be diagnosed with hypoactive libido disorder (HSDD).
Sexual Desire Disorders.
In its latest edition, the Diagnostic and Statistical Handbook of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) used by mental health professionals, divided HSDD into two classifications: female sexual interest/arousal condition and male hypoactive libido condition. For a medical diagnosis of either disorder, signs must last for at least 6 months and trigger a considerable quantity of distress.
Signs of female sexual interest/arousal disorder consist of:.
Disinterest in initiating sex.
Couple of to no sexual ideas or dreams.
Loss of spontaneous sexual desire.
The failure to respond to sexual cues.
The failure to maintain interest throughout sex.
Signs of male hypoactive sexual desire condition include:.
Deficient or absent desire for sex.
Couple of to no sexual ideas or fantasies.
When you respond to tension, your body goes through a series of modifications in order to prepare you to run away or combat and remain. In addition to the physiological effects of tension, there is likewise a mental aspect. Tension can cause you to have a hectic, tired out mind, and sidetrack you from wanting sex or being present during sex. Research studies reveal that relationship tension and disputes within the relationship can be a stronger factor in low sex drive than other types of stress. Working through relationship troubles is crucial for many factors, and your sex drive is a huge one.
The Benefits of Sex
In a helpful relationship, there are lots of advantages to having more sex. Greater rates of sex are linked to favorable modifications, such as lower blood pressure, lowered tension, higher intimacy, and even a lower divorce rate. While there are no one-size-fits-all guidelines when it comes to an ideal sex frequency, here’s some insight from the current research study.
benefits of sex in your relationship
Illustration by JR Bee, Verywell
Perfect Frequency for Having Sex
A 2015 study found that basic wellness is connected with sexual frequency, but only to a level. Relationship complete satisfaction improved gradually from having no sex up to having sex once a week however did not improve even more (and in fact reduced somewhat) beyond this point.
One sexual encounter per week is fairly constant with the existing average. However, our increasingly hectic lives may be getting in the way of having more sex. Compared to the frequency of sex in the 1990s, grownups in 2010 were having sex nine times less per year.
Typical Sexual Frequency.
Average adult: 54 times per year (about when weekly).
Adults in their 20s: Around 80 times annually.
Grownups in their 60s: 20 times each year.
Frequency often reduces with age, sexual activity in older grownups remains important. In general, older couples tend to have sex more often than single peers within the very same age.
Psychological Benefits of Sex.
There are lots of psychological and psychological advantages of making love. Sex is strongly linked to a better quality of life. Some of these advantages consist of:.
Much better self-image: Sex can improve self-esteem and decrease sensations of insecurity, resulting in more positive understandings of ourselves.
Higher rates of happiness: According to a 2015 research study carried out in China, more consensual sex and much better quality sex increases joy.
More bonding: Brain chemicals are launched during sex, consisting of endorphins, which reduce irritability and feelings of depression. Another hormonal agent, oxytocin (the “hug drug”) increases with nipple stimulation and other sex. Oxytocin helps foster a sense of peace and contentment.
Relief from tension: Chronic tension may contribute to lower sex frequency. Sex can be a reliable tension management method. Sex minimizes tension action hormonal agents, like cortisol and adrenaline (epinephrine), with impacts lasting well into the next day.
Enhanced sleep quality: Orgasms activate the release of the hormone prolactin, which helps in sleep.
Physical Benefits of Increased Sex.
It’s relatively instinctive to understand how sex improves psychological health, however there are a number of physical take advantage of sex too. Some of these consist of:.
Much better physical fitness: Sex is a kind of exercise. According to the American Heart Association, sex is equivalent to moderate exercises, like brisk walking or climbing up 2 flights of stairs. The movement of sex can tighten up and tone stomach and pelvic muscles. For females, improved muscle tone improves bladder control.
Boosted brain function: Preliminary studies on rats found that more regular intercourse was correlated with better cognitive function and the growth of new brain cells. Comparable advantages have actually given that been observed in human research studies. A 2018 research study of over 6,000 adults connected frequent sex with much better memory performance in grownups ages 50 and older.
Better immune function: Being more sexually active has favorable effects on immune function. Routine sex might even decrease your probability of getting a cold or the influenza.
Lower pain levels: The endorphins from sex promote more than just a sense of well-being and calm. Sex endorphins also appear to decrease migraine and neck and back pain.
May promote weight loss: Having sex for thirty minutes burns approximately 200 calories. The fulfilling brain chemicals released during sex can control food yearnings and assistance weight reduction.
Favorable heart results: Sexual activity (but not masturbation) has actually been linked with lower systolic high blood pressure. Elevated high blood pressure increases the danger of heart problem and stroke. Sex assists dilate blood vessels, increasing the shipment of oxygen and nutrients throughout the body while decreasing blood pressure.
Extra physical benefits: Being more sexually active increases sex drive and increases vaginal lubrication. Regular sexual intercourse is related to lighter menstrual periods and less painful duration cramps. In addition, an improved sense of smell, healthier teeth, better digestion, and radiant skin may be connected to the release of DHEA by the body after sex.
Possible Threats of More Sex.
Once believed that sex increases the danger of prostate cancer, it was. However, a 2016 research study discovered that males who had more ejaculations (21 or more per month) were less likely to develop the illness than men who had less ejaculations (7 or less each month). Considering that prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths in males, this effect worth noting.
For some, sex might increase the possibilities of a heart attack. Regardless of this danger, higher sex frequency may assist. Sex, along with other types of physical activity, is protective.
Hazardous sex could tip the scale of advantages and risks in the opposite direction. Make certain you recognize with safe sex practices.
How Relationships Gain From Sex.
Beyond individual benefits for you and your partner, regular sex supports a healthy relationship in a variety of methods. For instance, the oxytocin released during sex enhances a sense of bonding and enhances emotional intimacy.
Sex in a monogamous relationship increases your level of dedication and emotional connection with the other individual. Expressing love through sex increases the possibility of couples staying together. As a result, sex is positively associated with a lower divorce rate.
Obstacles of Having Regular Sex.
Human beings are wired to long for the intimacy of sex. Doing not have sex can lead people in a relationship to grow distant and, perhaps, look somewhere else. Working with a certified couples therapist can assist address this gap and prevent issues from penetrating throughout your marriage.
Often, preserving an active sex life is difficult or tough due to physical or psychological conditions. Couples can keep a strong, healthy relationship in spite of these barriers by taking a look at non-sexual methods to enhance intimacy.
Jumpstarting Your Sex Life.
Frequency of sex can, and frequently does, change in time. That doesn’t indicate sex frequency has to be a progressive downhill slide. The answer is yes if you’re questioning whether it’s possible for sex to be as excellent as when you initially fell in love. Sex and intimacy can improve as your relationship matures. It just might require a little extra work.
There are a number of methods to enliven your sex life. Looking at the non-sexual parts of your relationship can assist.
It’s often specified that the greatest sex organ is in between the ears. Upping sex frequency without connecting mentally or increasing communication isn’t most likely to produce lasting enhancements in your relationship. Managing tension is another essential factor for a healthy sex life.
In her book, “The Sex-Starved Marital Relationship: Improving Your Marriage Libido, a Couple’s Guide,” therapist Michele Weiner-Davis suggests taking a “just do it” approach:.
” In the beginning, numerous were naturally cautious about my Nike-style technique to their sex life; the ‘Simply Do It’ guidance ran counter to everything they had actually thought about how sexual desire unfolds … I could typically see the relief on people’s faces when they learned that their lack of out-of-the-blue sexual urges didn’t always represent a problem. It didn’t imply there was something wrong with them or that something was missing from their marriages. It simply implied that they experienced desire differently.”.
You may be waiting a long time if you constantly wait for your level of desire to match that of your partner. Rather, communicate your requirements and work together to find a happy medium.
In a helpful relationship, there are lots of benefits to having more sex. Compared to the frequency of sex in the 1990s, grownups in 2010 were having sex 9 times less per year.
Relief from stress: Persistent tension might contribute to lower sex frequency. Upping sex frequency without linking mentally or increasing interaction isn’t likely to produce lasting improvements in your relationship.” At first, many were naturally careful about my Nike-style method to their sex life; the ‘Just Do It’ advice ran counter to whatever they had thought about how sexual desire unfolds … I might often see the relief on people’s faces when they learned that their absence of out-of-the-blue sexual advises didn’t always signify an issue.